Year End Appliance Thoughts

The last day of 2007 brought us a good 6 inches of sticky snow. As I was running the snow blower the sun appeared, and the wind had not kicked up yet, so it was awful darn pretty out there. Alternating sun and clouds made for a lovely and peaceful afternoon. More snow is due tomorrow. 2008.

Also making bread this afternoon. I haven’t made bread in a few months at least, and the little bottle of dried yeast in the fridge, expiration date November 2006, has just enough for a loaf or two. My wife ground me up some pastry wheat flower with a wonderful attachment to one of her favorite appliances. If she was making the bread it would be anadama bread. We’ve always been breadmakers.

The durum wheat berries make a fluffy, starchy, less glutenous flour.

I usually make a “sponge” dough first, to get the yeast all up and running, then knead in the second half of the flour as stage 2. As per the Tassajara method. The sun is setting, I’m typing up this post, my wife is downstairs watching TV (with Oliver- they’re watching either H&G, the Food Network, or some superlame fashion elimination show), the dough is rising out of the bowl in the kitchen. We usually have pretty quiet New Year’s Eves.

Internet, you already know this (U KNOW ALL), but the final days of 2007 brought a new saint to the pantheon of protectors and patrons of the universal faith. She is Saint Applencia (yes it’s an anagram of “Appliance”- very clever you Catholics!) and she is the Patron Saint of Small Kitchen Appliances. Mostly toasters it is believed.

There are toasters out there that need a Patron Saint. No, for REAL.

We all know what the fate of the toaster pictured above would be without the patronage of St. Applencia. The Paula Deen Egg & Muffin Toaster, purchased with a WalMart gift card ($20 left!!) would have cooked approximately 7 “delicious egg sandwiches” over a 6 week period, after which the users would have put the eggs into the wrong holes, popped a circuit breaker, said a few choice cuss words, stuffed the appliance back into a dark corner of the pantry, and pulled the old toaster back out. Now we have a higher power protecting us (like we didn’t before?!) from small appliance mishaps in the kitchen. The Post Post Post Modern Age has arrived!

My problem is this. I understand what is meant by the term “Small Kitchen Appliance”, but we have recently acquired an appliance that I know we’ll need protection for (or from). Or patronage. Whatever. It is used for cooking, but not in the kitchen. It is an appliance, but not really a small one, since we needed our good friend’s pickup truck to help us get it from my father-in-law’s place to ours. This appliance uses liquified petroleum gas (LPG, a.k.a. “propane”). Will Saint Applencia’s patronage be of service to us in our use of this appliance?

It looks a little ominous, doesn’t it, this Char-Broil Model 463452205?

Can I count on St. Applencia, or not? If not, then is there some other saint who can cover a broader class of appliances? I wonder. I’ve seen too many times that excessively violent TV commercial where the husband is outside, visible through the picture window, tending the gas grill, which explodes and launches skyward, while the wife and the rest of the family, in the foreground, persist in their oblivion. What was that commercial for anyhow? Who the hell knows? I’m gonna need protection. For now, I’ll have to leave this to higher powers. My bread needs to be checked.

Yeah dad, the higher powers’ll get that figured right out for ya.

The bread came out well. Happy New Year Internet!