Posted by: David | December 29, 2007

Don’t Trust Anyone, Not Even Yourself!

Yes, Internet, sorry to have to tell you this, but nobody can be trusted these days. It’s just like Dr. Gregory House says, “Everybody lies”. I lie, you lie, we all lie. Though we may be painfully aware of the truth, we prefer the polished and shiny lies. They’re so pretty … see how the light catches their crystalline facets. While The Truth, let’s face it, just kills us a little more each day with its pure ugliness. Those headlines assaulting us hourly … “police used tear gas … shots fired … death toll expected to rise … explosions could be heard …” constantly reminding us that only the sheerest curtain separates our pleasant, contented existences from utter torment.

I could drop dead 10 seconds from now, and never finish this post.

Every morning that I pedal my spinning bike to nowhere and watch Robin Meade on CNN is a reminder how lucky I am. Getting to watch Robin Meade is good luck surely- she’s so adorable. Or is that just another lie that I tell myself? Am I really that lucky? Is Robin Meade really that great? Yeah she is. Anyway, she’s usually talking about screwed up stuff happening elsewhere in the world. That’s what passes for “news” these days. Another reminder. Of the luck. The good, good luck. So I guess that living in the Golden Age of Television helps too, with distraction from the pain.

“I hope this has taught you children a lesson: kids never learn.”
Chief Wiggum (The Simpsons)

So I’ve never been struck by lightning. I have never been hospitalized or needed surgery. That’s good luck. However, almost all of 2007 has gone by and my Tri-State Megabucks Lottery winnings are at a dismal total of negative $200.00. I am paying the stupidity tax in the Live Free or Die Trying state where I reside and some day I’ll be a millionaire. Until then, for $4 a week, I fantasize about it. And yet I have a deep suspicion of The Rich and Famous. When I win my millions, then I will be suspicious of myself, even more than now. Which is why I must dispose of the money as quickly as possible, before I even realize what happened. Sounds like a plan.



  1. Are you sad? Are you feeling mistrustful? Jaded?
    I’m worrying about you. I’d like to know more about the catalyst for this post.

  2. And that is one beautiful photo. Even if it’s a lie.

  3. Thanks very much for your concern moonbeam, it does sort of read like a call for help. But I’m fine. Not sad. This was one of a couple of draft posts for which I just finally clicked the Publish button, once my BFF told me that Chief Wiggum quote and I added the doctored picture of my wife’s orchid plant. Kinda random. Sorry about that. All is well here. Vacation half over.

    I liked the way you ask about the “catalyst” (check out Anna Nalick’s song “Catalyst” sappily used in Grey’s Anatomy) for this post.

    The catalyst was actually the notion that I’m blessed with such good luck juxtaposed by that occasionally nagging threat of impending doom … a common theme for my McNugget brain. I just didn’t do a very good job conveying that.

    Yes on jaded and mistrustful. Always been a suspicious guy. I like to think of it as informed caution regard mine and others’ motivations.

  4. Hahaha…Moonbeam you’re the best; even though I’m new to your blog Dave, I wasn’t sure if I should be saying “uh-oh”, but I’m glad to know you’re okay!

    That Chief Wiggum quote is what guides me through the day by the way, good call 🙂

    PS: My McChicken brain (yes, mine’s bigger than yours, haha!) quite often points me to the path of “impending doom”, but until that doom actually confronts me, I better just enjoy all this “luck”, ’cause it could damn well be a lot worse!

    PPS: Happy New Year, and I hope your lottery-total is “in the black” next year 😉

    Thanks romi! I like your attitude. And I think I matched 3 numbers last night! (Odds 1:39) If I ever need help I won’t be whining about it in a blog post. Which brings to mind another quote: Chief Wiggum: “Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1… 2.”

    I would like to upgrade to a McChicken brain. Maybe at the Vincent Price factory? Crap I didn’t wanna do that!

  5. Wow, I totally missed the overtones of sadness and got dazzled by the orchid before I became fixated on the Chief Wiggum quote. I’ve spent 24 hours trying to reassemble my own particular favorite quote of the Chief’s. Then I realized I could just Google it:
    “Ooh, and here, out of the mists of history, the legendary esquilax, a horse with the head of a rabbit and the body of a rabbit.”

    Thanks Wendy, I leave out the undertones of sadness on purpose, to spare the reader’s boredom so your failure to detect was not even your fault. Your time was well spent finding that quote. That quote’s full bore whackitude doesn’t even seem to need a context. I love it! Do you think that the “mists of history” bit refers to Spooner’s famous tirade?

  6. “I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn.”
    Chief Wiggum (The Simpsons)

    That couldn’t be more true, especially with my son. He’s gone three years without heroin and one year without crack (it was only a two week first time crack binge). I went to see my therapist the day before he came home for Christmas because I spent most of 2007 waiting for the bomb to drop. Every time he calls me there’s always little bombs dropping. So far none involve drugs. His new thing is poker. There’s a casino 10 minutes from his house. I just hope he’s not trading one addiction for another. Though, the little bugger keeps winning. So my hope for 2008 is no bombs dropping on me.

    Thanks for commenting joanharvest. I’m glad your son is winning (and being drug free that long is huge!) From what I see on TV quitting while you’re ahead is a big deal in that poker world. The fantasy of sudden riches is so attractive. It’s worth $200/year to me. I hope there are no bombs for you in 2008 too! Mantra: “2008 is gonna be great”

  7. First question after reading this post, ‘what color are you seeing today?’ Stop watching the bad news! Just put Robin on mute?

    Thanks for commenting C. Yeah, that’s a great question. I’m gonna say today is indigo. I wouldn’t want to mute Robin because I actually like her delivery of the news. She can project the gravitas when needed but also tries to keep it light. In the throes of my workday morning routine, I feel a slight obligation to gather this info, weather forecast at the minimum. I heard a guy on NPR last week talking about all the good news that you just don’t hear about. I agree with his axiom that the majority of events in the world on any given day are actually GOOD!

  8. Thought I’d try answering comments as edits of the comments, as I sometimes see other bloggers doing. It’s a little more work but I think I like it. Not sure yet.

    Make up your mind doofus!

  9. I’ve often thought of doing this comment-as-edit thing but I’m leery of it, wary, if you will.

    My sister had a dog named named Rev. Spooner. But I don’t think Wiggum is doing a Spooner/Norm Crosby bit. I think the quote was in the episode where they were all part of a video game and the esquilax horse really did have the head of a rabbit and the body of a rabbit.

    Do you watch Family Guy? Because “Mort” the dorky pharmicist has the best lines on that show.

  10. Hahaha…I KNEW you would come around to the Vincent-Price factory idea!! Your “McChicken Brain” awaits in the hands of Vincent Price (you know you want it… 😉 )

    PS: 3 numbers ain’t bad 😉 ….and hey “9-1..2”..hahaha…priceless Wiggum, and let’s not forget his kid, that dummy who eats crayons and paste and picks his nose till it hurts…(says to his 2nd grade teacher: “are you my mommy?”…lol..)

  11. Wendy, I will keep my eyes peeled for Mort. Maybe I’ll get a Family Guy DVD from Netflix. Agree with you on the Spooner reference, but even so that’s the nice thing about Simpsons writing, it’s got so many layers to it.

    Yeah romi, but I’m gonna bring the JVD clones for protection. No “funny stuff” from those VP clones! And yes I love Ralphie, who doesn’t? The poor little schmuck.

  12. David-
    Thank you for sending me to Romi41. Now I know why she’s the expert of poo. I left a comment on her blog because I have a short poo story too, though nowhere near as horrifying as hers must have been. I laughed so hard, I just wish I could have laughed my ass off, I mean really laughed it off, away from my body. Oh well, it will all just be a painful memory in a few days.

  13. joanharvest, I’m so happy you enjoyed it! New Year’s blessings to young Romi and her wonderful story of crap. Laughter, the best medicine as you said.

    Yes, a painful memory and good sized and colorful bruise, I imagine. YOU have a Great Eight!

  14. joanharvest and david: THANK YOU for the kind words and blessings! And now…before the suspense actually kills me…off I go to read that ‘broken ass” post 😉

  15. dear sir i m alone bcos everyone have broken my heart.. so what should i do..

    First, I would recommend that you read this post a little more closely. It’s a very messed up world we live in saurav. You may not be able to trust yourself, but you can love yourself without the trust. You must love yourself before you can love anyone else. Maybe then your broken heart will heal.

    After that, you will need to learn some punctuation and spelling.

  16. hiiiiiiii
    I feel hard sometimes, and wish to be out of this world. often i am in my own world of worries. I am not able to convince my heart at times actually i am helpless these days… My beloved one’s dont trust me…. on the whole i am totally frustrated … if possible just guide me and give me a solution,……


    Hello dolly, and thanks for visiting and leaving a comment here. I’m sorry that you feel frustrated. I wish I could give you a solution, but there is none. Life is not a problem to be solved. Contentedness comes from within, and while we need to love and be loved in return, that must start with your own heart first. Cut yourself some slack and don’t give control over your feelings to other people. Sound selfish? It is. But I hope it’s of some help.

    One of the thoughts behind this very muddled post is that even though we cannot totally trust ourselves or others, we can choose to shift focus occasionally. For myself the most effective focal shift is observing that the misfortunes of others have far exceeded those experienced by me so far in my half century on this planet. It’s the “It Could Be Worse” scenario. It’s somewhat lame, but simple and effective for me. And strangely enough, this post draws more search engine hits than any of the others in this ridiculous blog of mine.

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