Posted by: David | January 11, 2011

Futilitarianism

Sometimes I try to be funny. At least once a day. Humor is a deadly serious business. Here are some proposed sayings and/or aphorisms for your enjoyment and/or derision.

  1. Aphorisms are dumber than a box of hammers. Or a bag of hammers. One of those.
  2. For the inevitable sort of trouble, call Murphy’s Lawyer.
  3. Invention is the mother of the widget design concept formulation training program. (corporate wisdom)
  4. You can eat your cake and puke it up after the savoy truffle. (song fragment, see #9)
  5. Throw another wrench into the monkey barrel.
  6. Beauty and the beast sure have homely kids.
  7. Where will I go, what will I do? (non-aphoristic question)
  8. Life is a tale told to a deaf idiot by a dumb blind guy. Full of whoa.
  9. If everybody jumped off a cliff it’d be a lot quieter around here.
  10. Number nine, number nine, number nine, Paul is dead. (another song fragment, an oldy)
  11. No, I have not been smoking crack, why do you ask? (sometimes this stuff just comes to me)

That is all.  The end.

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Responses

  1. #5 is my favorite.

    OK. Doesn’t make sense in light of all the adorable photos of you and your grandchildren, but whatever. Thanks!

  2. Is it wrong that #8 made me laugh out loud?

    Of course it is. How could you even ask that? The joke is that there isn’t really a big enough cliff anywhere in the world!

  3. I certainly appreciate #2. Nice work! I also love #8 cause it has managed to put into words my thoughts that I have often.

    As a fellow widget design concept facilitator, I thank you. The next release will be AWESOME! #8 I think is messed up, but I could not remember how that stupid saying went about jumping off of something. A BRIDGE! That’s it. It was supposed to be about jumping off a bridge and how dumb all your friends were for doing that. Right?

  4. #8 also made me laugh out loud and became my new facebook status… WOOOo!

    Thanks Aimee! Facebook is really helping my blog tonight! How come I’m not in bed? Oh yeah, cuz tomorrow is (better be) a SNOW DAY!

  5. Ick to #4. That sounds like something my pug would do.

    Yes it does. Pugs do stuff like that. Darn pugs.

  6. Ooh! Geek humour! Don’t quit your day job.

    Don’t worry I won’t. Quit my day job that is. Love my day job. This comedy stuff is sort of a public service thing I do from time to time. Lifting people’s spirits and what not. You know.

  7. Haha! Full of “whoa” indeed…

    I obviously lack the corporate wisdom, I popped a vein trying to figure out number three…

    Thank you bschooled. You have better wisdom, sorry about the vein. ‘Corporate wisdom’ = oxymoron

  8. Love a mixed metaphor – #5 rules!

    Normally listless, it’s funny how people pick favorites when presented with one. BTW, missed metaphors are a specialty of mine. Thanks for commenting!

  9. You need to get out more. 🙂

    Thank you Pied. I AM out. Really.


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