Posted by: David | December 25, 2010

Holiday Joy Spreads Like Hives

This will not be a bah humbug type of post. Like hemorrhoids, that can be avoided. There are well established techniques.


I didn’t even get a tube of anchovy paste. WTF?!

Suffice it to say that in my shriveled worldview, December 26 is when I celebrate. I’m an asshole that way. You should know. Sorry if you thought I was a nice guy. There are bigger assholes out there, but I’ve won a few medals in my day.


This woodpecker also pisses me off. Seed FLINGING birdbrain.


While this common redpoll is polite enough to eat from the bottom tray.

If it wasn’t for the fact that my awesome job gives me 2 weeks off for the holidays, I would have a harder time finding just the right amount of energy to waste on scrooging. It’s also fortunate that my wife fully engages the xmas tasks and hits all the big stores and sales.


The xmas bush. With gifts. My wife is Santa Claus.


She makes lots of candy to give as gifts. This one was for me. Even though I’m an asshole.

So I hope all of you had satisfactory holidays. Best wishes for the coming new year.

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Responses

  1. The Holidays are like hemorrhoids? Even if you know they are coming, there is almost nothing, short of Hari-Kari, that one can to do avoid them. Heck. Even hemorrhoids have a creme to use to make them go away.

    Thank you ITBOMJ (intriguing acronym, no?). This should be helpful. Ultimately, both conditions are recurring and temporary. Surgery won’t help with the holidays, unless one has a complete heart-mind-soul-ectomy, a.k.a. hari-kari as you put it. Did you know that Preparation H can be used against aging wrinkles? It has shark liver oil in it too. So that’s cool.

    Thanks for commenting and I hope you and your family had a lovely xmas!

  2. I remember the reference to the creme in an episode of 30 Rock.

    Really. That had to have been one of Jenna Maroney’s lines.

    You see, hemorrhoids are caused by the inflammation …

  3. Wishing you mirth and merriment all the dang year through. And by that, I mean the year labeled 2011.
    🙂

    Thank you C. I wish you the same in ’11.

  4. Hey Dave. What is that candy? I can’t figure out what it is.

    Yo Beuf. (Liking the pseudonym morphing!) The candy is melted and reformed chocolate, dark and white, with one almond stuck into the heart. My wife makes up all sorts of treats (peanut brittle, peanut bark, choco-coated pretzels, and the arty choco slabs as above) to give people for xmas. When I saw this one, with the little heart motif, I said “Oh cute is this one for me?” and she said “Well I guess it’s too mushy to give to anyone else”. Sweet, or what? The peanut brittle is always a big hit. It’s done in the microwave with great precision. 30 seconds too much and it’s burnt. I’ve eaten a fair amount of burnt brittle in the past. This year, no burnt batches.

  5. But this is a beautiful candy. Is it blue? I also like your Christmas tree. I thought you wouldn’t have that kind of thing at home. It is after all the silliest of Xmas traditions, since it is 100% pagan, and then they sing to it! Translated from German where otherwise the greatest Xmas songs come from, written by Luther et al.

    “Aha” is what I thought when you said that there was a bang at night. Ihave always been wondering why there weren’t more bangs in your house. We dud not let our cat(s) get into the house, and yet there were bangs anyway, because from time to time they got in anyway.

    You would know that if you write something in English and then select it and change the font to “Symbol” it looks Greek, and I just tried to do it here, but it doesn’t work. It is a way to quickly learn the Greek alphabet and it is a new way to write the “Stickies” or whatever they are called, these reminders that one writes to be sent up by the computer.

    It’s a slab of dark chocolate with white chocolate ‘applique’. So not blue but dark brown. You’re right about my preferences on xmas trees, but my wife is the boss on that stuff. I like this one too because it’s really a house plant the rest of the year. So no tree killing and no big mess of pine needles.

    Shushing the growling dog was all I had to say before getting out of bed to investigate. Our cat is indoors at night all year round. We live on a busy road and lost a favorite kitten a few years ago.

    I’m not understanding your third paragraph.

  6. Third paragraph. Though I am all excited at the idea that you might actually not know this. However I forgot to say that it refers to MS Word. There are many different fonts. One of them is called “Symbol”.
    Now, if you write something, anything, in English, then select what you have written, and change its font to “Symbol”, you see your English text written in Greek letters which looks really distinguished.

    But you know about stickies, a free program to write reminders like “clean bird tray” or “wash socks” and to schedule how often or when you want this reminder to pop up and what colour and what font and what size of font.

    And to make it more instructive, I write these for myself in Greek letters. Now I am going to write A Merry New Year on a stickie with Greek letters and send it to you e-mail.

    Well I’m glad that knowing something I don’t know about excites you. If that’s true then you should be excited all the time! I keep telling you I’m an ignoramus. I’m not just saying that for fun you know!

    I got that email, and your Greek sticky. Thanks for the cheerful holiday greeting! It’s interesting how easy it is to read the ‘Greek’.

    As to stickies, believe it or not, I prefer the paper variety. 🙂

  7. BUt the paper variety clutter the table top, desk top, kitchen table, night table, fridge door, coat pocket, yes, and sometimes my slippers, because the slippers are a good place to put a paper reminder that must absolutely not be forgotten.

    In the computer they stay out of sight up to the very moment when they become relevant, and my Stickies can be programmed to come up every so often (once every 10 minutes, every hour, every day at what time, every week, and for every birthday).

    The every-10-minutes option is for when you are at the computer and have something going in the kitchen.

    I live for clutter!

  8. Happy New Year to you too 🙂

    😀 ♥


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