Posted by: David | June 16, 2010

Mysteries Versus Facts

MYSTERIES:

Does “legal” size paper really need to be three inches longer than letter size?

Where did Dr. Seuss go to med school?

Is is really possible to do nothing?

If the road to hell is paved with good intentions, with what is the road to heaven paved?

Why do people make such a big deal about hair?

FACTS:

You cannot get home-cooked food at a restaurant. Unless you live there.

There can be only ONE universe.

There are exceptions to every rule, except this rule.

Superlatives are the worst.

You cannot taste your tongue.

HEADLINES THAT YOU’LL NEVER SEE:

World War VIII Is Over!

Destiny: Could It Have Been Prevented?

President Elected in Landslide Victory; Everyone Thrilled

Wealthy Decide to Give It All To the Poor

Extraterrestrials Land, Ask If They Can Crash For Just a Few Weeks

IRRELEVANT QUESTION:

Do Cats Really Get It?


Well, maybe SOME cats get it. Not this cat.

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Responses

  1. Well, just what’s gotten into you? I loved them all, but must vote for my favorites:
    Mysteries: #4. One would think, conversely, “bad intentions”, but that can’t be right, can it?
    Facts: #5: Can too; can too! I would offer to show you sometime, but it would be traumatic for both of us.
    Headlines: #2. Now this is just the sort of brain-melting question gets me going.
    And, cats get entirely other things.

    Thanks for your votes. I don’t know what’s gotten into me, but I hope it stays. As for the #2 headline, it was inspired by the many recent news items swirling about the tragedies de jour and whether they might have been avoided or whether someone can be found to be scapegoat. At first, it was “The Apocalypse: Could It Have Been Prevented?”, but then it distilled down to simple destiny. We want to roast the CEO of BP, but our economy is fueled by his product. Obama tried to mention this, but everyone is so furiously blind about this mess that they can’t remember we were warned almost FORTY YEARS AGO about needing to solve this problem.

    As for “fact” #5, I’ve done some thinking about your possible offer and I’m already traumatized. But in a good way.

    Cats. Can’t live with ’em, can’t get ’em to be on the right side of the door …

  2. Of course cats get it. We just don’t get them, and that’s their intention.

    Oh, so THAT’S it! And after all these many years of living with cats, I was so sure that they had no intentions whatever. Gonna have to think about that a little more now, I guess.

  3. Well…look at you! A laugh a second…very cerebral!

    Well thank you MTAE! That means a lot coming from the likes of you!

    I gotta tell ya that my BFF did more than a few years as a standup comic and I bounce my “best” material offa him. Sometimes it sticks. Is that a good thing? I dunno. But we’ve been amusing each other since 1966, with a fairly minimal number of lean years.

  4. I am especially fond of the ‘DO NOTHING’ mystery. I am quite productive at this.

    Nudge nudge, wink wink. Me too Care. I consider it a specialty. I once made some joke business cards presenting myself as a “Counterproductivity Specialist”. Har dee har. Thanks for stopping by.

  5. Why do I feel like that cat does get it? I don’t know why I feel that way, but I just do.

    I expect that my cat and your pug would have plenty to talk about. 🙂 Thanks for commenting VAGB.


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