Posted by: David | June 3, 2010

Holy Crap It’s June Already

Where does the time go? I’m back to work after some nice time off. I did lots of gardening and a little bit of biking. I wrote a really horrendous short epic poem about it. I know, right!? My wife went on one of her trips to Carolina to do horsey stuff. I stayed home. You know the drill. I’m too tired to list the various gardening chores, but the garden is doing pretty well, though we could use a little rain.

The asparagus bed had been yielding less and less over the past few years, so I decided to dig it all up and start over. On a bike ride to Hillsboro, I’d stopped in at the Agway and was impressed by the place. You’d think we would’ve checked the place out at least once in the past few decades, but no, only since they closed the feed store in our town, a couple years ago, have we been forced to look elsewhere for farm and garden needs.  They had asparagus roots. So I came back later in my car, with Oliver, and bought some. The lady watering all the plants was very friendly and Oliver liked her right away, in spite of her big water sprayer.

I asked my daughter to take these pictures of me digging up the asparagus bed.

The bed is 27 feet long. I dug out the 2 trenches and put manure in them.

There were several wheelbarrow loads of manure put into the trenches and mixed in with wood ashes to sweeten up the pH. The new roots were laid upon the manure in the trenches. Then the soil was raked back over. It took me a couple of days. I had to go and buy another couple of bundles of roots. It ended up being a very thick planting. The remaining unearthed and healthy older roots were consigned to the northern end of the bed. The new roots, a variety called “Purple Passion“, will take a few years before they can be harvested. So I’ll keep you posted, provided that they still have the internet in 2013.

The aftermath. Covered with several more loads of horse manure. And some lime. Check back in 2013.

he onions are doing well. Getting watered every day. It’s been a bit dry.

The garlic beds are doing well. Watering them too. Should be scapes soon.

At one point I went over to the kids new house to help out with some trim caulking around windows and doors. After one squirts the caulk into the joints in the trim pieces one rubs one’s finger along to even it out. Then one wipes one’s finger on a rag, or on one’s shorts. I lost the rag after finishing off the first tube of caulk. So my cutoff shorts were liberally covered in smears of the 35-yr. warranted silicone painter’s caulk. I brought the dog along. He seems to like the kids’ new house.

Not sure what he was looking at out there, but it kept his attention for a solid 2 minutes.

As we were leaving to get back home and feed the horse, I saw a kildeer flapping about in the field. Bet that’s what Ollie was looking at. It seems that the land where the kids are putting up their house is also home to various annoying birds. At dusk they’ve heard more than one whip-poor-will. Since their land borders a maintained wilderness area, we can expect that many more odd birds will be coming soon.

And now, with extreme apologies in advance, my first published Short Epic Poem.

On Vacation – A  really short epic poem

– For Walter, Peter, and Olivia


Had some fun
got some rest
rode my bike
worked my garden
stayed off the computer
watched The Man Who Fell to Earth
for the very first time
it was weird
never got bored
kept it real …
drank a lot
shot up heroin
became a junkie
bought a Harley
cooked some meth
kicked some ass
took some names
went to New York City
went to Disney
crashed my motorcycle
almost died
they fixed me up
got off junk
got on prescriptions
got depressed
saw crazy shit
UFOs, aliens, JFK, etc.
got a new Harley
went to Disney
went to New York City
got my ass kicked
forgot all the names
crashed new motorcycle
this time I died
but they revived me
as I was going
for the light
at the end
of the tunnel
so I lived
a little longer
and wrote a book
and posted it
on the web
it was real bad
people loved it
a million hits
on the first day
then the government
Googled it
and found me out
called me a “socialist”
whatever that is
so I changed my name
to Pavlov Dogsbody IV
in an alternate universe
Where Fringe science is real
and there are holidays
like Ass Wednesday
and Bad Friday
in that universe
vacation is lots of work


So there it was
the alternate universe
as there can be
only one Universe
else it’s not
a UNIverse


  1. Your place always looks so LUSH! But the pics of you digging made my back ache.

    Thank you Pied. Spring and early summer are definitely LUSH. It’s one of the main reasons we love it here. I’m sorry about the vicarious backache. But the aching back makes for the pain-free front. Does that make any sense? The exercise I get through these activities is twice as rewarding as that which I get while pedaling the spinning bike or doing the sit-ups. I mean if I can get the exercise I need while actually serving some other significant purpose, e.g. gardening, then so much the better!

  2. Wow. I’ve never seen an asparagus bed before. Awesome. I love asparagus. It feels like it’s finally taken me to meet its parents. Our relationship is advancing.

    What?! Seriously? I thought for sure that you, fine young show pony that you are, lived in California, where asparagus fields sprout their phallic shoots all year round, or so I’d imagined …

    Irregardless, it is nice to hear that you supplement your vodka and ground beef diet with such a formidable vegetable. No other allium can make your pee smell so rapidly, right?

  3. Oh my gosh, that’s a cute picture of the dog at the kids house!

    Thanks Allison. And you know cute!

  4. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHA best poem ever. I understood it, every bit, which makes me worry a little. I’m going to celebrate Ass Wednesday next week fo’ sho’.

    Hi Maleesha. Yeah, you should worry a little. But not too much. Let me know how you celebrate Ass Wednesday. I’m a little fuzzy on the traditions.

  5. I may not have told you yet that I have been doing my annual tax declaration, and today I reached one of the final pages of which there seem to be about 6. I feel like that doggie at the window. I can tell you he sees nothing out there, is just looking away from the tax forms.

    I saw the poem, but have not read it yet.

    Yes you mentioned the tax ordeal. I’m sorry it has to be so complicated for you. I would be staring out that window the same way if my taxes were like that. Fortunately, my taxes are very simple. They take less than an hour to do. Oliver could practically do them for me. If only he could type on the computer.

    I can pretty much guarantee that the poem, or more precisely, random verse, will leave you feeling shock and awe. Or plain disgust. I wouldn’t bother with it if I were you.

  6. I have not read the poem, but came to show you a message where the spell check was particularly successful.

    hi love sold everything up in UK living hear 11 monthes know now I now what its abought thankyou for the wright up.

    Must be multilingual spell check. Or Olde English? ♥

  7. No. Elderly people who bought a cheap house in Southern Spain and were afraid of getting bulldozed out, because the house was built with fake construction licenses issued by a local crook in connivance with local authorities.

    As to the poem, you know, with my usual sense of discretion, I would rather not comment on it, because, basically, the difference between a poem and a vocabulary list is in the white space which a poem has on both of its sides, both left and right.

    OK, now it makes sense, even with its tortured syntax.

    Thanks for your discretion, as always, regarding the vocabulary list. Stupidly, I disagree about the distribution of white space. For verse the lines need to be left-justified. For a vocabulary list, center justification would be OK. 🙂

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