Posted by: David | January 4, 2009

Breaking News: DTV Countdown Cancelled

In a press conference, the FCC office in Washington DC today revealed that due to the current economic crisis, the countdown to digital television is officially canceled. The deadline for all broadcast television to convert to DTV, set for February 17, 2009, is now revoked.

Broadcast stations already converted to digital will have until June 2010 to return to analog broadcasts, and until June 2011 to return to an all black and white signal. The FCC estimates that this will save consumers “lots and lots” by now being able to reuse their old TV sets and “rabbit ear” antennas.

With the Screen Actors Guild strike looming, the FCC has also decided to eliminate “extraneous” channels from the broadcast spectrum. This will greatly reduce administrative overhead. FCC has granted TVLand exclusive rights to all bands and frequencies, including radio, until the current economic climate “bottoms out”.

Newer TV sets will be able to view The Andy Griffith Show by using a special diesel-powered analog converter box. Sony simultaneously announced plans to market these converter boxes, which will be manufactured at their brand new Betamax facility in Toronto. Stay tooned.

April Fools!!

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Responses

  1. serious, it would be wonderfull if many broadcast stations would vanish; it’s so much stupidity at tv and generally in media. but i have another motion: to abolish television and to return at gladiator fights; the result (pane et circus) would be the same.

    Hi dan, thanks for commenting. But wait, this is the Golden Age of Television! Nah, you’re right. Oh I think that the gladiator fights are just around the corner, only they’ll be televised … 😦

  2. panem et circenses

    Bread and circuses. I’ll take the bread!

  3. This is hilarious! The only thing you forgot to mention was ESPN The Ocho (ESPN 8 that shows the non-sporting sports like slapping contests referenced in the movie DodgeBall). I read this just as the television people were announcing one more Transition Town Meeting. You have become the Comedy King!!!

    Hi Carol, and thanks for laughing. ESPN 8 sounds like fun. Who doesn’t love a good slapping contest?

    Unfortunately, The Ocho is going to be TVLand. Sorry 😦

    Yeah those idiotic Transition Town Meeting ads on WMUR helped generate this post. And I LIKE Fritz Weatherbee (but not enough to download his ringtones)!

  4. I don’t get why this is such a freakin’ big deal. Are there really people who haven’t seen the ads and all the hoopla who have an ‘old’ TV and would their lives be shattered if they don’t get digital? I just don’t get it.

    Yes their lives would have been shattered! TV sets would have started flying out of windows on Feb 17. Now it’s gonna be OK.

    Remember the theme music to The Andy Griffith Show?

  5. This is the first time I hear you do technospeak. How funny. And yet I had been wondering whether I should ask you what that little black vertical line is called that tells me where I am typing; it blinks on and off and can be moved with the mouse which causes it to change its shape slighly.

    I would like to know its name to be able to look it up on the net if it continues spooking as it has been doing for some weeks now. I ran a very nice little bug control program today called Spybot – Search & Destroy , and it looks like the problem has disappeared.

    I would call that line a cursor. Cursor also refers to the mouse’s on-screen pointer arrow. If by “spooking” you mean that it disappears I would Google using terms like “disappearing cursor”. The cursor’s appearance can usually be controlled.

    Spybot is a wonderful piece of freeware. It’s been around doing good works on the internet for quite a few years now. I doubt that it’s what helped the cursor stop spooking, but I guess it’s possible.

  6. To danmihalache :

    The real thing is way too expensive. That is the advantage TV has over all those old games or rituals. For instance a good fighting bull has to be at least 4 years old and has to be able to spend his four years on large pastures, in theory without meeting people.

    That is very expensive to have.

    Yes, raising animals is expensive, so the gladiator spectacles would have to be just PEOPLE killing each other. Plus the TV audience won’t tolerate cruelty to animals! I think fellow blogger Bound & Gags is already working on this type of show.

  7. I can’t quite understand, but is this meant as a money saving operation?

    If so, it would be what I had been waiting for, because there is a very useful Spanish idiom: “el chocolate del loro”, the parrot’s chocolate.

    There is a big Goldman Sachs or something, they have a manager meeting to see how they could save some money. They suggest this and that, and everything gets rejected. Can’t reduce the salaries, can’t reduce the pensions, can’t reduce the extras, can’t reduce the telephone bills. In the end somebody suggests that their parrot should no longer get his daily chocolate. This was approved.

    That’s great: el chocolate del loro 😀 Thanks for that funny story.

    I don’t think that the DTV conversion was conceived or intended to be economical. Digital is just the current step in the ongoing evolution of media formats. In terms of your little anecdote, DTV is the Goldman Sachs managers deciding to double the parrot’s daily chocolate AND dress him in a cute little denim suit. 😀


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