Posted by: David | September 12, 2008

YAY I’M RICH!!

I have a really common name. Thanks to a recent post by Wendy, at Life With Buck, it was revealed that there are about 9.4 people per state that have the same name as me. According to this website (try it!), there are 470 people in the U.S.A.  named David Levine. Which is my name. I like to tell people that it’s the “John Smith” of Jewish names. I can tell by their reaction whether they …

  1. are anti-semitic
  2. are anti-John Smith
  3. have a sense of humor
  4. are even listening to me drone on about me myself and I …

Well, having a common name means that I occasionally get email intended for other David Levines. There are David Levines involved in economic theory, real estate, coins, physical therapy, and sex toys. Just Google me! Then there is the really famous caricaturist. The more David Levines I look at, the more I feel like I must be most underachieving David Levine of all. So at least I got THAT going for me …

And I recently received this wayward email message …

Dear Mr. Levine,

It was a pleasure meeting with you yesterday. We look forward to introducing you and Mrs. Levine to our in-house wealth structuring specialist at your convenience.

In the meantime please find attached a financial personality assessment that we highly recommend to our clients. The Financial Personality Assessment (FPA) tool is an industry leading client profiling instrument, helping us determine what portfolio is most appropriate for you and why.

Kind Regards, etcetera …

This was a pretty thrilling email to receive I can tell you! I’ve been playing the lottery for years now, and finally am ready for some “wealth structuring”. At my convenience. Which is how it oughta be, dammit! Specially if I’m RICH fer crissakes!! Unfortunately, I don’t remember meeting this person yesterday, or ever. But I’ll re-check my lottery numbers, in case there’s a mistake somewhere. And then please have the in-house wealth structuring specialist text me or whatever. My wealth is SO in need of structuring on account of it being all floppy-like.

There was a swell PDF attached to this email. A fill-in PDF designed to assess exactly what I am to my wealth, what my wealth is to me, and how much of my money I’m willing to allow Barclay’s Wealth to bleed from me. In a nice way though. They’re only trying to help me to understand my SELF. And from what they tell me, it’s all about ME.


Screen shot … my “Financial Personality” = POOR!

The questionnaire goes on to ask all kinds of silly stuff. I guess that will be the kind of stuff I’ll worry about when I hit the Powerball jackpot.


My biggest fear is that the apocalypse will arrive right after I collect the jackpot.

Speaking of the apocalypse, as regular visitors to this blog know, I’ve often posted on the Large Hadron Collider in Europe. You’ve probably heard that they started it up on the 10th and protons have been circulated all the way around in both clockwise and counter-clockwise directions. No colliding yet, so the world has not ended. Some folks are pretty worried about this machine. I was too at one point.  Some concerned people have created a website that is monitoring whether or not the planet is destroyed. Click link to find out.

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Responses

  1. I monitored the LHC website all day on the tenth listening to interviews and watching them drink champagne and still wondering about infinitesimal black holes and getting sucked into one.

    I learned a lot of interesting stuff about the LHC, how it was built etc.

    Still not too sure about it though.

    There are 26 people in this country that I share my name with. If you saw my reaction of being told you were the ““John Smith” of Jewish names” it would definitely be reaction #3.

    I think I will skip the FPA tool. I’ve got .19 cents in my account and no cash or credit. I don’t own a house or a car. I have given everything I own to my daughter. So I don’t have to think about money. I like it that way.

    Nineteen cents is completely respectable. It’s like almost a quarter. Reaction #3 is what I usually get. None of us really owns anything anyway.

  2. I got you beat. There are a staggering 1,046 people in the U.S. with my name. It’s the David Levine of… well, I can’t say since I go to such extreme lengths to preserve my anonymity – which now seems a bit ludicrous, given that you’d have to slog through 1,045 other people before you got to me.

    Wow, you DO got me beat. Your anonymity is safe here. IMHO, anonymity IS ludicrous in general, since we are all pretty much nobody anyway. I fondly recall your office door festooned with various misspellings of your name. What a fun display that was. 😀

  3. Guess what?! Though there are ~101 other Sarah Levines in this country (I think there are more, but whatev)… there are only 4 Sarah Brannigans! And what’s even better?? There are “1 or fewer” Carlton Brannigans!! Does this mean that Carl may or MAY NOT actually exist?! Yikes…scary.

    Wow, I would have thought that there’d be more Sarah Levines. Oh well, I guess 102 is enough. Let’s choose to believe that Carl exists when we are able to see him. Maybe when he’s off at work he stops existing. A little. I think we all do that. Maybe.

  4. Well, thanks for the link to the name tool. There are 3 people in the US with my name. Just how do they know this? What if they are all me???? Just curious.
    Anyway, I love the giant NO that I got when I clicked on the link to see if the LHC had destroyed the world. I guess I was expecting something long winded, etc. This was refreshing. I have been worried about it and trying to follow it. I read the following on the LHC website today:

    The beam has circulated 30 minutes in the LHC!
    12/09/2008.

    Last night around 2 a.m. the beam circulated for the first time for about 30 minutes in the clockwise ring of the LHC. This confirms that the accelerating cavities are working well. During the night, the LHC team also increased the intensity of the single bunch to around 1/20th of the nominal LHC bunch intensity.

    You can follow the beam commissioning daily reports on:
    https://lhc-commissioning.web.cern.ch/lhc-commissioning/dailynews/index.htm

    Is this supposed to make me feel better? Any interpreters out there??

    Nice find lakecrazy! These look to be the scribbled notes of the true physicist nerds. I think that all we need to know here is that they are smashing protons into each other and into lead nuclei and then tracing what flies out of these collisions. They are collecting petabytes of data and looking for very rare events in an attempt to see whether the “Standard Model” of physical reality will prevail over the more exotic models like string theory and the like. A friend sent me this really great article from Nature.

  5. Obviously, I may or may not exist in the US as of now…

    Maybe it’s all “quantum” – my wavefunction inhabits the spacetime of the US for a little while every day – when no one is looking, and thus when the function is not collapsed… Or something…

    You most definitely exist Mr. 42, with or without your collapsed wave function. And thank you for existing!

  6. Now that you’re rich you KNOW you’re my favorite David Levine in the world!

    Well, I don’t know B&G, the David Levine you described in your email sounds a lot more interesting to me than me. 😦

  7. To Nimish:

    I saw your new blog and even wrote a message concerning your reflections on trust and respect. But when I wanted to send it in, a new page opened asking whether I wanted to (don’t remember what) my identity (don’t remember where).
    What is that?
    Looks odd.

  8. No, you don’t fear the worst, because I do, and I don’t fear the same as you.

    I don’t mind Palin, I don’t care, but I do not want EVER in all my life, not even on line, come across one of the bitches that will vote for a thing like that.

    Please wait here while I go get my ten foot pole. A thing like what? Politics in the USA has become so ridiculously polarized that it’s impossible to take seriously. But ultimately, one must vote. 😦

  9. Hi cantueso
    It’s actually WordPress.com asking if you trust my site. 🙂 You should say “Yes, always” if you want to keep leaving comments like you tried. 🙂

    And I would wholeheartedly recommend trusting Nimish’s site and all his brilliant utterances. Remembering his youth, of course. And if you have a chance to listen to Radiohead, I recommend that too, cantueso.


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