Posted by: David | July 1, 2008

Birthday Wishes For You

Apologies in advance, and I know I’ve written this before, but this has to be the TRULY stupidest post EVER. I recently noticed that a couple of old posts with the word “birthday” in the title consistently get the highest number of search hits. Day after day after birthday. It’s ALWAYS someone’s birthday after all …

So, without using the word birthday one more time, let me at least attempt to make this worthwhile to you, dear reader. It’s nice that people use the internet for such innocent things as birthdays! Oops. Didn’t mean to write birthday again. Sorry. In return for your patience, I offer this little cheery idea.

Try being nice to somebody at work tomorrow. Don’t be obvious about it or it won’t work properly. Wait for them to do something first, then say something like “You know, you really did a NICE JOB not screwing that up like you usually do!” A little praise goes a long long way, I’ve learned.

And never miss an opportunity to wish anyone …

Happy Birthday Whenever It Is!


  1. Try “hairy mom.” I wrote a post about my cat’s hair growing out and how I sounded like Eric Cartman’s mom when I talked to her, and it’s had 407 hits since March. I have a very small reader base, so that’s a LOT of hits for one post.

    I have to wonder why people are searching for hairy moms, but then I realize I don’t really want to know.

    Hi Lyrical Fool and thank you for your comment. The stuff people google, huh!?! It’s tough to figure out. Sort of like figuring out where each drop of rain is going to fall after it leaves the cloud. Until quite recently my “all time” most hit-upon post was titled “Allright Already- Nobody Sucks!”. It was the story of my first colonoscopy. With a couple of snapshots that the doctor printed off for me.

    Happy Birthday Thoughts-0-Dave! 465
    Allright Already- Nobody Sucks! 366
    Happy Birthday to Me 333
    Don’t Trust Anyone, Not Even Yourself! 245

    You’re so right about not wanting to know what a search for “hairy moms” yields. 😦 Let’s try ‘hairy mom’s colonoscopy’ and see what we get, shall we.

  2. I get 20 per day for Roboform Linux πŸ˜€

    It was nice of you to post those helpful instructions. πŸ™‚

  3. Thanks for the tip! I’ll have to work “birthday” into some of my posts to generate traffic. I seem to have had a couple visits based on “Paulette-Goddard-Banana”, but that’s the most search-engine traffic I’ve ever received.

    Birthday seems to be pretty consistent in the search engine terms. WordPress has some nice stats functions to track this stuff. Here are my top 5 terms for “All Time”, the 1.5 years I’ve been blogging here …

    birthday thoughts 248
    thoughts 0 dave 51
    birthday thought 51
    happy birthday thoughts 45
    dont trust anyone quotes 40

    However, it’s not exactly a huge hit generator, especially compared to some of the stuff that Romi posts about.

  4. I think you are onto something, Dave…my teaching mentor used to advise, “Catch them doing something right, and you raise the odds that they’ll do it again.”

    Back when I worked in the local school district as a teacher aide, the elementary school got on this “Catch them doing something right” kick. The teacher I was working with at the time overdid it by overexplaining it and then using a little bell for the “good job” moments. Thus she spoiled the effect completely. Good teachers have this “praiseology” ingrained and likewise know how to correct and redirect without causing pain in the student. As you well know vermonter!! Ding Ding! πŸ˜€

  5. That’s wonderful. My daugther’s birthday is tomorrow and I posted something with the word ‘birthday’ in it today. My stats should go through the roof now.

    Thanks Allison πŸ™‚ Happy birthday to your imp.

    And yes, what a lovely little poem that is. If you’re not Dr. Seuss, then maybe you are Nurse Seuss?

    Don’t hold your breath on the birthday hits. It seems to bring me 2 or 3 hits a day. Better than none I guess.

  6. I can’t find my Google referrals on this new dashboard, but for what it’s worth I get between 5-8 hits a days on my post “Separated at birth: Oliver and Wishbone.”

    Oh wait…I just found the referrals. I get hits off of “human monkey crossbreeding.” WTF? I can’t recall every blogging about that disgusting concept. And does that mean that once the weirdos are at my blog they look up Oliver and Wishbone?

    So if I google “human monkey crossbreeding” a blog post of yours should appear in the list of hits, right? It’s gotta be those sea monkey posts. Or your posts about Coast to Coast. You and Buck are members of the American Bigfoot Society right? Inquiring minds want to know. Those internet puppy stalkers are definitely a concern. I closely monitor Oliver’s Facebook and MySpace pages. As Emo Phillips once said “There are a lot of weirdos out there!”

  7. Tiki torch fuel pulls in a lot of hits for me. Also electrocuting squirrels. Evidently my wasband wasn’t the first to think of doing that.

    Well at least when I googled “electrocuting squirrel” your fantastic post (er, Barry’s I guess) comes up as hit #4 and it was fun to reread it. That was a really funny post. πŸ˜€ I like the way you keep changing your avatar. The current one is your cane collection?

  8. Of course I get lots of hits for the Obama joke which is in fact only a link. I read US papers occasionally to see whether my Obama hits reflect Obama’s questionable fan base, but now I think the hits are a reaction to TV there. The maxium was 190 hits a day. Recently the average has been around 20 hits a day. A few weeks ago the average was nearly 100 hits a day. Anyway, this is not surprising.

    What is impossible to explain is that my next best search terms are… … guess. No, I will tell you. It is “manchac swamp”.

    Eh? This proves once for all that ignorance is a blogger’s best friend.

    HA. That’s funny. The second longest bridge in the world goes over that swamp. Ignorance was my best friend long before I ever started blogging!

  9. To Adam:

    Begin your next story like this:

    This is not about Obama, nor about McCain. It is not about electrocuting squirrels, nor about birthday wishes.

    Or you could take a lesson from Romi’s book and make references to all the various private body parts of women and men. She’s gotten over 50K hits! Of course she’s pretty funny too. And she’s on a mission. Which is more than I can say for myself …

  10. Yes, that is my cane collection though I have changed my avatar again. You can tell I get bored easily.

    This latest one looks like you at about 4 years old? Adorable!!

  11. The chances of me being nice to someone at work tomorrow are slim to none, but nice idea anyway πŸ˜‰

    I know what you mean. It’s going to be a Monday tomorrow, I can already feel it in my bones.

  12. I try to be nice as much as I can.
    I really am a nice person, I am! πŸ™‚

    Happy Birthday to you too πŸ˜‰

    I knew you would get this Red πŸ™‚

  13. I could count the number of hits I get on the finger of one hand. If I kept counting it over and over. And I have NO search referrals at all. None. It is like the time I logged into Facebook about 6 months after I set up my profile, and went to look at my Friends, and was told, “You have no Friends.”

    Oh what a sad little comment vermonter! Too bad Facebook doesn’t come with a “starter friend” like Tom, that MySpace guy!

    It’s like when I take a pile of lotto tickets to the liquor store to be scanned for winningness. The stupid machine says “SORRY, NOT A WINNER.” over and over and over …

    Happily vermonter, I know that you DO have friends, since I think and therefore am one. K?

  14. But, Vermonter, what search terms would you imagine could get me there?

    There has to be a noun, a thing, a concept that somebody might actually look up. Of course You make me feel guilty because I also did not go back to your web, though I read the complete story of the thunder storm building up. And less completely, I also read the story of your dad getting sick.

    Anyway, it takes some time, since it depends on luck and sheer numbers. June is the worst month. Some people had only about 10% of their normal stats. And what if you wrote a little more often? The moment you publish, you are on the dashboard of 100000 WordPress people, but you are there only for a very short time. That is how somebody gets to your website by accident.

    You could cut your story up the way journalists do and put in subtitles:

    1. Storm Warning
    2. Clouds billowing
    3. Lightning blitzing
    4. Thunder rolling

    I think you’d discover that there are people search-terming for “lightning” and of course “Blitz” will draw some, too, you know, the warmongers.

    See vermonter? You have such good bloggefreunden too! cantueso always has some interesting observations and advice. I know this post topically conveys a sort of hit-hunger, but I took the hit counter off many moons ago. Though I freely admit to getting a little ego thrill with each thousand hits on the stats page. It doesn’t influence the generous lack of content in my posts, which always penetrate so deeply into the surface of this fleeting and random existence.

  15. @ Vermonter – I’m on Facebook (though I have no idea why — they’ve forced me to have a vampire schoolgirl icon on my page for some reason that I don’t understand) and so is Joan Harvest and Little Miss. I just tried to find you over there but couldn’t, unless you’re the “Drunk Vermonter” which I seriously doubt. I think this is my link, so friend me up:

    Wendy and I are now friends. πŸ˜€ Nope, not drunk vermonter, though Facebook seems to encourage virtual drinking. Hic!

  16. I think you should put in more photos and always ad “photography” as a category. Pretend that the photo is your subject and then write your story in little bits.

    Um, I think that one’s to you too, vermonter. If it’s to me cantueso I would have to say, er, um, but that’s what I’m already doing … πŸ™‚

  17. I’m so lost on Facebook it’s not even funny. I went to your page and couldn’t even find “the wall” to leave a message on. Facebook is a total bafflement to me, so don’t be offended if I never find the wall!

    Don’t sweat it Wendy. I think Facebook’s kinda dopey. I’m only there because I work at a college and succumbed to peer pressure. I hardly ever check it as it’s overrun with crapola. It’s like MySpace but with less advertising. We don’t need it, because we are ultracool bloggers!!

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