Posted by: David | March 31, 2008

Oliver’s Diarist

My freakin crazy dog has a ghost writer! You’ll never guess who! Yes, Wendy, of the internet’s Life with Buck fame. She has published a page of his memoir (or manifesto fragment- you decide) on the INTERWEB!

Please check it out, Wendy is quite the artist! Thanks Wendy! [BTW, Oliver cannot afford to pay you whatever he promised. I hope he didn’t start telling you about his bag of “diamonds”. He’s such a liar. He’s NEVER been to South Africa. Or north, east, or west Africa for that matter.]

Clearly we’ll need to take the phone out of his crate. Here we thought all he did all day was tear his bedding to shreds and thrash. Who knew?



  1. I left a comment here already, but as I was writing it flew off the screen. I hate when that happens. But anyway, yes, I did fall for the bag of diamonds story. Jeezus. When will I ever learn? If it’s of any help to you, Oliver’s call came up on my caller ID as being made from a pre-pay cell phone.

    I hate that too. Usually it’s because of my ADD and having 50 tabs open. So Oliver’s not the most honest dog. And he’s a sucker for anyone named Wendy. Don’t sweat it, you’re not the first to fall for the diamond story. Next time ask yourself, “If this guy’s so rich with diamonds why’s he wearing that cheap-ass collar and why does he smell like, what IS that smell anyway?!”

  2. …well if neither Dave nor Mrs Dave have seen any cell phone in his crate, even buried in the shreds of bedding, do you suppose… OMG! Do *squirrels* have opposable thumbs? [music CUE: dramatic noir-ish sting]

    Dammit! Another conspiracy right in my face! I’ve GOT to learn to recognize those better. Maybe Mel Gibson can give me some lessons or something.

  3. I swear that nanotranslators from some vowell-challenged linguistic region interpose themselves between my finger tips and the key pad and steal or swap out half my consonants even as i try to type words.

    that IS my story and i AM stickin to it.

    MY nanotranslators make me type stuff consistently backwards. I wonder if there’s a market for all those stolen consonants somewhere in an alternate universe?

  4. The *Slavic* countries exhibit high demand it seems…

    Look no further than your very own planet! How often I’m reminded of this …

  5. o.O

    Oliver has obtained a biographer before i did! OMG. πŸ˜₯

    But don’t forget that he LIED. He conned some sucker in Texas by promising her access to his “bag of South African diamonds”. YOU DON’T want to get started down that road. Plus he has a nice white coat with cute black spots. Get that and wag your tail a lot and the biographers will be knocking your door down.

  6. What’s the title of this ‘diary’? A Million Little Feces?

    Dude that’s a good one!

  7. I tagged you for a meme. It’s an easy one. Check out mine to see what’s involved. No pressure.

  8. @ Bound and Gags – LOL

  9. How does Oliver afford frickin’ jeweled crowns?

    Is he like a pimp to the neighborhood bitches? If so, he sure must know how to collect…

    Oliver’s only communication with the bitches in the hood is barking when he’s outside. He was neutered as a pup. I can’t imagine how much more obstreparous he would be if he still had his “jewels”. As for the crown, that comes from the wonderfully creative and graphic mind of Wendy. The only thing we ever put on his head was a little xmas themed reindeer antlers. He wasn’t fond of those. He’s due for a collar makeover though, since his old collar really stinks. Royally.

  10. Sheesh Romi think a minit: you don’t buy your own crown. Do you think Queen Elizabeth buys her crowns? Her hats, maybe. But not her crowns. Crowns come your way from Higher Authorities. Or from The Past. Crowns are kicking around in that closet you never look in. (Yes, sure: go check. I’ll wait…)

    Vermonter, that closet is too jam packed with crap to even pull ONE thing out! I’ll bet the crown is all the way in the back UNDER every other piece of crap. Dammit!

    Yeah, Romi! I’m SURE there’s a crown somewhere in your ancestry just waiting to land on that pretty little head of yours. If you don’t find it, I suggest going to “Crowns-R-Us”!

  11. See but that’s the thing of it vermonter: I’m so used to NOT having an illustrious past that’s full of passed-down jewels, that I just go ahead and assume that like ME, everyone else has to BUY their super-ficial social-status…apparently not though, in which case….is Oliver a descendant of Euro-canine-royalty or something?

    Please advise David.

    I’m no expert on illustriousnessocity or anything. Oliver’s breeding is that of a hunting dog, not a speck of royalty in HIS blood. Our royalty, Princess Romi, is just like that of the other kings and queens: imaginary.

  12. David, you get the BEST comments! I was going to say something about noticing THAT word again: obstreparous,

    and then you threw in another terrific word: illustriousnessocity! Fun to say, too.

    I’m glad you like it C! It’s fun making up words with excess redundancy.

    And since you bring it up, it’s a great opportunity to thank all the kind folks who comment on this silly blog of mine. It IS an unusually wonderful collection of people and I thank you all for taking the time to visit and share your thoughts! πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

  13. I love commenting here! I don’t know how to describe it, but this just seems like a place I would wanna hang out in if it was 3-D, and trust me, because I read a lot of blogs! πŸ˜‰

    Thank you Romi, that’s so sweet of you to say. I like your blog a lot too- it’s very consistently funny and touching at the same time. I wish I had more time to read more blogs. There’s just too many good writers out there. πŸ˜€

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