Posted by: David | February 4, 2008

Healthy, Broke and Stupid

Feeling a little bad about not posting lately, so let me force this one out. I’ll try not to strain. That causes hemmorhoids I read in OK magazine. Or no, maybe it was Lucky. No wait, it was People, I mean US!! Yes definitely, in the supermarket checkout I read this. Don’t rush on the toilet. I wish they’d combine all those shiny celeb/glamour mags into one big, shiny, plastic wrapped volume. It’d cost $7.99 per issue and be called US LUCKY PEOPLE OK!!!!!  But followed by lots more exclamation points and it would be in Japanese that anyone can read.

There’d be lots of little doggy pix in US LUCKY PEOPLE OK!!!!! 

But I did see the doctor today. For real. Actually he’s an ARNP. But he gave me my physical this morning. We didn’t discuss the Super Bowl at all. It’s the first physical I’ve had since my glorious colonoscopy, which was discussed on the internet by several people who read this blog. And pronounced absolutely disgusting and perverted by my wife. And another heinous misuse of the internet. Of course she’s right, but she doesn’t even read my blog so I can tell her to put a sock in it. But I don’t. I can come up with something better than “put a sock in it”! Ya better believe.

And I’m healthy. If not wealthy or wise … My prostate is the right size. I guess. Tomorrow morning I will need to alter my routine and get the the hospital to give a few vials of blood for testing. No breakfast. Fasting cholesterol test. Sorry, can’t turn that into comedy. Yet. We’ll see what the numbers are. “Sorry, your cholesterol is 90,000! But it’s the GOOD cholesterol, so don’t worry. Drink plenty of vodka and try to smoke at least a pack a day!”

Been meaning to show you this …

The Chinese Fakeberry garland previously appearing as the header, is festooned with a string of multinational worry dolls. They’re kinda cute actually, though I have not been able to do them much justice trying to photograph them.

In case you were thinking that this would be the stupidest post of the month, don’t forget that February has barely begun! And it’s a leap year!

Does it look like this flowering is saying “aaaahhh”?


  1. I want a subscription to “US LUCKY PEOPLE OK!” What a great idea! And Oliver should be on the first cover, of course.

    Glad your physical went well. The worry people must be looking out for you. And the floraporn is truly beautiful.

  2. that flower makes me blush. i’m just sayin.

    I am getting right behind MBMQ in the subscription line for US LUCKY PEOPLE OK! all right. O! for such a SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN, i’m sure IN TOUCH with my REAL SIMPLE SELF.

  3. Dammit! I forgot about SELF! Thanks vermonter! Now stop that!

    SELF was the one I was trying to remember.
    My original (?!) magazine idea was to be called US PEOPLE SELF TIME WEEKLY or something like that. The real selling point of this slick new mag was to be the revolutionary usage of Universal Japanese.

  4. Well, as long as we are just having fun with the revolutionary usage and not making fun of the actual revolutionaries (or is that ‘revolters’?) who use it, we all might enjoy this site.

  5. Once again, you have crystallized my thoughts precisely! Engrish is what I had in mind vermonter. Thank you!

  6. Congratulations on your clean bill of health! How excellent, now you can smoke and drink to your healthy heart’s content. Sign me up for the US LUCKY PEOPLE OK subscription also, and put my vote in for Oliver as the cover boy. Could he wear some sort of historical costume, like when Cindy Crawford was on the cover of George?

    @ Vermonter – I love Engrish! That’s the best site ever. Thanks for sharing!

  7. Is the flower saying Aaaah like to the doctor “stick out tongue and say Aaaah” or OOoo la LA?

    I loved George magazine – I miss it…

    Glad to hear you are healthy! My latest tests all came out good, too. 🙂

  8. Orchids are the Koko “I’m a Woman” Taylor of the flower world. That is such a GORGEOUS GORGEOUS flower.

    Oh, and I really am happy to hear that you’re healthy.

    But oh goodness, that flower… This particular orchid is singing Paula Cole’s “Feelin’ Love.”

  9. I forgot to mention that your flower porn gets better all the time. This orchid looks like something you’d see on the cover of an Erica Jong novel. (Not that I’ve read Erica Jong.)

  10. Thanks to all my zipless commentators for your well wishes and tolerance of my dirty little flower porn habit. It’s really my wife’s fault since she’s got such a green little thumb. Every time I turn around there’s a beautiful blossom opening somewhere in the house! So yes, CuriousC, the flower is definitely doing the OOO LA LA!

    And it looks like the publisher has already nixed the magazine concept. MS-Penguin-Murdoch-Sony-Warner apparently don’t want the “artificial” competition that US LUCKY PEOPLE OK would bring to their Eurasian and American print markets. So Oliver will miss the cover shot chance to wear his flight jacket and pose under the “Mission Accomplished” banner. D’OH!

    Speaking of penguins, there’s this funny little YouTube video with CHIMPS which came from my good friend Bonnie! Thanks Bon!

  11. ewww…a spotted-tongued flower!…my tongue looks like that when I get sick (is that weird???)

    PS: your first paragraph made me laugh my ass off, and $7.99 would be a STEAL for the packaged deal; I would totally buy that! 😉

    PPS: good luck on the test 🙂

    PPPS: that worry doll looks a lot like me; I have that same outfit in purple/blue orange 😉

  12. “so don’t worry. Drink plenty of vodka and try to smoke at least a pack a day!”

    😀 I need a doctor like this! Glad to hear that your colon tests were negative (or would that be positive?)

    “US LUCKY PEOPLE OK!” sounds like good potty reading material. I wonder if they would mind if I borrowed a copy to read in the store bathroom?

  13. That monkey video was enchanting, exactly the type of cinema I love. But what in the name of all that is holy pure and innocent was that whore monkey doing laughing into the phone like that? Had she been eavesdropping for crying out loud? Jeezus, you can’t go anywhere anymore.

  14. Right on Wendy! I cannot believe that was overlooked for some kind of chimp Oscar at least! Maybe it was just too short. Have you ever seen the chimp production of Good Will Hunting? I wish I could find it somewhere on this great internet of ours …

    So you think that lady monkey on the phone was a streetwalker ay? Just because she’s a blond in a bar?! That whore monkey happens to be my Great Aunt! And truth be told, she is kinda skanky. Obviously she ‘knows’ the penguin.

  15. Sorry about insulting your aunt. If it’s any consolation, I didn’t think she was a prostitute, just a whore. And the tell was her sparkly evening gown … it was falling off and she didn’t seem to care. 🙂

  16. OK i get it now – she’s a chimp, which rhymes with pimp, which is another word for whoremonger, which must therefore be a corruption of the orginal whore-monkey — which is really quite enterprising, when you think about it, for a lady her age.

  17. Apology accepted Wendy. I never really liked that aunt anyway. I mean, she’s a frikkin CHIMP for god’s sake! How the hell did a chimp get into my family anyway? Damn my ancestors to HELL.

    Vermonter- like your reasoning but my aunt is not THAT old! … you DID see the YouTube thingy right? It’s awfully funny, isn’t it?

    betme- you realize I was “paraphrasing” the doctor’s advice, right? Potty reading- good luck even getting into the store’s bathroom in the first place!

    Romi- The doc let me know that I’d probably have to inquire about the blood test results, unless there was anything that was out of whack enough for them to contact me. But thank you for your well wishes on my test. As you get older you find your satisfaction in increasingly minute things. Right?

    OK everyone should be all set now.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: