Posted by: David | July 3, 2007

Apologies In Advance

Yeah, I’m really sorry about this. I can’t help myself. It’s like when you keep picking a scab that you know you should just leave alone cause it’s just going to hurt, bleed, and leave a scar  …

Last post I crowed about a playlist I made that I thought was pretty good. My opinion. And now, regretfully, comes this post about the awful, awful, HORRIBLE mix CD I found …

… a couple of posts back I mentioned finding a CD on the roadside during a bicylcle ride. A compulsion forces me to try to understand how these CDs get thrown out of car windows, and I theorize that this can be deduced somehow from the contents of the CD, which are burned mixes 99% of the time.

foundcd.jpg
Yup, confirmed. 16 tracks of pure, absolute CRAP!

So I had to find out the names and lyrics for all 16 tracks, to see if it could be determined why this CD landed beside Clothespin Bridge Road. Yes, even though I said that this CD was pure crap. Like picking scabs I said …

After looking up each and every track on the interweb, examining the lyrics, and attempting to understand, I cannot reach a conclusion. Maybe you can. Here is the track listing:

1. Love Seat (Eyes Watering)
The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

2. Fergalicious
Fergie

3. Here In Your Arms
Hellogoodbye

4. Before He Cheats
Carrie Underwood

5. The Acoustic Song
The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus 
 
6. Happy Someday
Plain White T’s

7. Make It Rain (REMIX)
Fat Joe

8. Stuntin’ Like My Daddy
Lil Wayne

9. I Just Came Back From A War
Darryl Worley 
 
10. I Wanna Fuck You
Akon/Snoop Dogg

11. Whip It
Devo

12. Face Down
The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

13. We Fly High
Jim Jones.

14. This Is Why I’m Hot
Mims

15. Damn Regret
The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

16. All Of Your Love
Hellogoodbye

I have a text file with all the lyrics too, but it would be so WRONG to copy and paste them here. This post is bad enough already. I cannot even decide whether the CD was thrown out a window by a male or a female (75% chance male), but I think that person was definitely under 25 years old. Maybe it was not even pitched out the window on purpose. A friend recently pointed out that it’s possible for CDs to fly out of one’s car windows accidentally with certain types of car CD storage accessories. Who knew?

To wrap this up, here’s a picture of my typical weekday morning breakfast. It’s 1/3 c. rolled oats, 1 T. organic flax meal, 1/2 c. plain low fat yogurt, and an organic banana. Plus a coffee-cigarette-vodka-raw beef smoothie (not pictured). I use only the best organic cigarettes, and remove the filter first.

breakfast.jpg
See how my vitamin pill hides in the sunflower pedals petals?

Apologies, once again.

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Responses

  1. Maybe someone’s mommy found the mixtape-cd ?

    Entirely possible.

    And it also raises the question of CD disposal. It’s mainly plastic and non-biodegradable material.

    I think it contravenes local arms treaties when a CD containing Akon is disposed incorrectly.

    WON’T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN?

    This kind of CD, will contaminate an ENTIRE LANDFILL. It destroys homes, and has been known to devour entire households!

    Burn this devil spawn!
    [of course only figuratively. Actually burning CDs is an appalling way of destroying them, especially because Akon will fill the air and half the west coast of North America will begin to choke.]

  2. Thanks as always Nimish for helping me to see the gravity of this situation. I never thought of the possibility of a parent “ejecting” the CD. And as you observe, any responsible human would, could, and SHOULD dispose of this awful musical menace. But properly, as I shall do very soon.

    While we’re at it, maybe we can start an email campaign to get The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus and Hellogoodbye to Cease and Desist from writing, playing, or recording any more “songs”. It’s probably not wise to ask this of folks like Akon, Fat Joe, and Lil Wayne, as they would answer in bullets I imagine.

    Anywho … Thanks for your thoughts.

  3. I want to see your bike with the sunflower pedals!!! Sorry, I normally restrain my horrid grammar police tendencies on blogs since I make my share of mistakes when typing quickly, but this one was funny.

    Anyway, that mix is awful, though as a child of the 80’s, I will argue that Whip It is entertaining to listen to. Hm, I quick check on the release date of said song shows I was actually only two when it came out and therefore not really part of its New Wavy fan base. Regardless, it’s fun.

    I’ve never (to my knowledge) been subjected to the Jumpsuit band or the confusing salutation band, but their names irritates me in the same way the Psychedelic Furs does – trying too hard to be clever and different and failing.

  4. Oh, and your breakfast looks good. In the interest of full disclosure, I also have to admit to dancing to some of these songs in clubs. That is their place, dance clubs, not your car. Perhaps that is why the CD was thrown out…

  5. Thanks for the correction Ceridwen, and keep them coming. Gotta keep being perfect!

    Never listened to the Furs, but I have a track by Richard Butler (Breathe) in my dreamy mixtape CD playlist thingy. Perhaps I should actually burn it to a CD and throw it out of MY car window!

    And YES. Whip It is definitely the best track on the disk. The only one that brought a smile. Dance on girl- music with no other redeemability may still be good for dancing. Plain old drums can suffice too, I’m told.

  6. Drums can completely suffice. In fact, they’ve been known to send folks (including me) into a complete and utter frenzy!


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